Understanding Narcissism & Narcissistic Abuse - Part 1
You have probably met someone with narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder in your life. They are everywhere and may be our parents, siblings, children, our partners, lovers, friends, co-workers and bosses. I have met several throughout my life and one was even my partner for several years.
Narcissistic abuse can be soul-crushing, as it targets the very essence of you, making you feel unworthy, making you believe that no one cares about you, that you will never be good enough, that you will never be worthy of love, joy, freedom.
My story might be similar to the story of lots of you reading this post right now. That's why I decided to finally speak about narcissism. My Soul has come and said it was time to help others, to be more focused and embrace another part of my Soul Mission. I decided to listen and I feel so happy and free about it.
I´ve been through narcissistic abuse in a romantic relationship. I thought that a romantic relationship was deemed to be chaotic, sad, scary, traumatic…until I decided to leave that misery and found my husband, my soulmate, with whom I´ve been enjoying a healthy and harmonious relationship for almost 11 years.
I found my way out, healed my broken pieces, regained my self-worth, my self-love and re-started my life. The interesting thing is that the majority of my clients have also been in touch with narcissistic abuse, and I keep attracting Souls that are ready to heal and create a new reality in their life, exactly as I did. If you are reading this blog post right now, know that your situation can change, beloved! I made it, and I am here to help you and guide you with all the Love in the world.
My goal is to help you identify narcissistic traits in others, give you information about how to protect yourself from the narcissists you find in your life, to understand why they behave the way they do, and finally help you recognize your self-worth, learn to establish boundaries, honor yourself, and find the joy of being you, even if you haven't experienced any of that before. Believe me, anything is possible when you start healing your energy and making different choices on a daily basis.
On the spiritual side, I am here to help you see the message behind your Soul´s choice of being in touch with narcissistic abuse. You chose your family, your environment for this lifetime, so you could experience contrast, grow and evolve. If you are ready to heal from narcissistic abuse, or if you identify in yourself several narcissistic traits, the first step towards healing is taking responsibility for everything you have created and manifested in your life. There is Divine perfection, wisdom, and a purpose in everything you have experienced so far. You are not a victim, and even if you find it difficult to believe, you are already whole, complete and Divine. There is nothing to be fixed or to be improved. You only need to remember your true Divine Nature.
In this first blog post, I will be helping you identify narcissistic traits in others and will give you some tips on how to protect yourself from a narcissist.
In my experience and according to the literature, these are the most common traits found in the narcissistic personality:
Lack of empathy: narcissists are underempathic, they have no ability to value or recognize the feelings of other people. They cannot understand or care about others' emotions. As a consequence, they won't take accountability for the way they speak or treat others. They have no respect for your boundaries, and will open closed doors, will read your mail or personal journals, will open your wallet, purse, will steal your ideas, ask nosy questions, and won´t keep confidences. Narcissists will deny, blameshift, gaslight you, they will manipulate language to avoid taking responsibility for their criticism, aggression, lies, lack of patience, fantasies, etc., to the point, you will start doubting your own sanity, sense of reality.
Impulsivity: without empathy, driven by shame and prone to rage, they will have difficulty in controlling aggressive impulses. Narcissists often have moments of rage and aggression when you have different views of a topic or situation. I´ve experienced countless moments of these while in that relationship with that man.
Attention-seeking: they need to be the center of your attention and present an exaggerated need for admiration, approval, gratification. They want to be the most powerful or aware being in their personal universe.
Attitude of superiority and grandiosity: if they are not better than others, then they feel worthless. They are often judgmental, bossy, and perfectionist. If they feel down, they will try to make someone inferior, miserable. They will try to control and oppress you in order to regulate their emotions. However, they are not able to sustain a sense of superiority on their own, and are drawn to the praise and recognition from others.
Low self-esteem: behind their attitude of superiority and grandiosity, you will find a fragile self-esteem that is vulnerable to the slightest criticism. Shame is the feeling beneath all unhealthy narcissism. For the narcissist, shame is intolerable, can´t be processed emotionally, and will be directed outward, so “it can never be my fault”.
Fantasy world: narcissists live in a world of cognitive distortions and illusion. They create fantasies of unlimited power or importance. They will seduce you with their superficial charm, enchanting, in order to get from you what they want and insulate themselves from an inner emptiness. However, that lovely feeling ends all of the sudden and unexpectedly when you cease to be of use in pumping up this person’s fragile ego.
Entitlement: narcissists believe they are entitled to be treated better than others. They see the situation from only one point of view - black and white thinking. Others exist only to agree, obey, comfort, flatter, and if not, you are of no value and will be treated accordingly. Narcissists use others without regard for their feelings or interests.
HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIOR
The first thing is to learn and accept that you can´t change a narcissistic behavior. But you can change the way you react to it.
Remove yourself from the situation and do not participate. Essentially ghost them. It will remove you from the supply and spare you further mind-numbing gaslighting.
Don´t start a fight, a revenge, or anything to change the person because it won´t. Just show the person that that behavior is not going to be tolerated anymore.
Protect your mental and physical space: don't tolerate anything that hurts you, create peace and calm in your life. Put all boundaries to protect your new sense of peace.
Self-care: reduce social engagement, say no to friends and family. Take time for yourself, do things that bring you joy, freedom, such as going to nature, grounding, writing, journaling, dancing, listening to music, doing something creative.
Honor yourself, love yourself, release everything that doesn't serve your highest good, your highest self. Release trapped emotions and other energies from your Energy Field, so you can start making different choices on a daily basis more easily. Dense and trapped energy prevent you from changing and remembering who you truly are. There are several ways of releasing energies that don't serve you, such as the Emotion Code, the Body Code, Light Language, EFT, and others.
Remember: you are in control of your own life, and you can change your reality at any moment.
If you need any help healing from narcissistic abuse, choosing and embodying frequencies such as joy, freedom, change, inner peace, work with me privately, or join my Light Language Program: StarStellar Light Language activations: JOIN HERE.
StarStellar Light Language activations include DNA activations, Soul Coaching, guided affirmations, and a monthly LIVE call with me to answer your questions around Ascension, Manifestation, including a beautiful DNA activation and clearing to help you raise your vibration, and of course, manifest your most beautiful dreams!
Sending Light Codes infused with Love and Light to each one of you who is reading this post now!
Kacel, Elizabeth L et al. “Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Clinical Health Psychology Practice: Case Studies of Comorbid Psychological Distress and Life-Limiting Illness.” Behavioral medicine (Washington, D.C.) vol. 43,3 (2017): 156-164. doi:10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875
Hotchkiss, Sandy. Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism (p. 9). Free Press.
ABOUT ANDRÉA LUIZARI
Andréa Luizari is an intuitive Energy Medicine Practitioner, Channel for Light Language and Soul Coach. Andréa lives happily with her husband in the beautiful countryside of Portugal after healing from narcissistic abuse and quitting a long and successful career in clinical research & pharmacovigilance.
Andréa followed her Soul Call & Wisdom. She now supports people from all over the world through their Ascension and Healing journey. She can help you Align your Energy to your true Divine Nature, become a Vibrational Match to what you deeply desire, and Consciously Manifest!